Day 82: March 22, 2017

Ugh. Well, that problematic chapter continued to be a problem, though I did finish it. I’m not sure it won’t still need more revision, but I’ll leave that for a second round, and this book will need a second round of revision. Nothing as laborious as this, but like I said in the last post, this is an iteration of iterations process. As you change one thing, you have to revisit the changes as you make them.

By the end, the chapter was greatly improved. I gave it a final read before moving on and actually enjoyed it, felt something of a gut punch. That’s good. It’s exactly the reaction it needed after what had led up to this sequence. My head was weary, though. When I got home, I could barely focus on home and hearth. My wife noticed my lack of focus. Particularly in that I am not a successful writer, and this is only a hobby, I have to question whether taking emotional time away from my family is worth it.

I honestly don’t know. I’m not tinkering with a car in the garage or working in the garden. It is more sinister than that. Actually, that’s not a fair word, mostly. Even painting, I don’t think anyway, drains your emotions like laboring away with characters and plot and language like writing does; and it is so time-consuming! For what? In a month or so I can labor over querying for months. I’m thinking of going to the Writer’s Digest Conference in NYC in August, going through that masochism in person. What toll will that take on time with my family?

For me, this kind of thing only exacerbates my mental issues. It does not take much for me to spin into obsessive little fantasies and away from the mundane cadence of life itself, even the more pleasurable parts of that cadence. It takes all my focus to be a good husband and father. I’m not sure being a writer is healthy for all that. But not being a writer would leave me feeling like a prisoner. I wish I knew another or better way.

I’m whining. I apologize. I finished one chapter, dug into the next slightly.

Words written today: 54
Total for 2017: 43,224

Revision today: 1 chapters
Revision total: 36 chapters
Total words for this manuscript: 113,760 (+5,807)


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