Day 26: January 26, 2017

If you’ve ready any of my posts so far this year, you’ll likely notice frequent vacillation between despondency and bullheadedness. There’s a medical word for that kind of cycling of polar moods: bipolar. It is sometimes interesting, sometimes odd, and sometimes irritating to deal with on a day-to-day basis. There are days where the symptoms are as mild as feeling either a little down or strangely on top of the world; there are also days that grotesque exaggerations of those two things would be better descriptors.

With my writing, it is a constant battle. Like my more general mood, sometimes it is easy and sometimes hard. On “good” days, the words flow if not quite like water, something like honey from a very full jar. Other times that honey is caked and near solid in the bottom of a year-old, forgotten jar. This week I had a manic sort of writing session and posted about the near euphoric experience of it, how allowing the mind the freedom to take extreme tangents brought boundless opportunity. Mostly, I do believe that. In this case, when I read it the next day, I found truly awful expository writing and bizarre emotional leanings. My mood plummeted across the board, in both my life and in relation to this project.

But one thing you learn when you have a lifelong mental illness: if you grit your teeth and lower your head when you wake the next day, if not good, then at least productive things will happen. It did this week, specifically today. Though I am troubled over a couple of puzzling plot points/holes I will need to explain, my characters’ emotions are now front and center. My “through the looking glass” session did, in fact, develop some of that in a weird, tangential way, in my own head anyway. I discovered some underlying symbolism that I hadn’t realized before. I should have, those elements have been in the story the whole time. (It’s about time I learned what my own story was really about, right?)

So, including the slog yesterday plus today, I am getting very close. I got almost 1,500 words in a mostly exciting, fun session this afternoon. I finished chapter 43 and put the tiniest bit of work to chapter 44. My weekends are not the most productive, but I might get 1,000 words done by Monday. So very close. I can picture my final scene; can’t wait to actually write it.

Words written today: 1,436
Total for this manuscript: 100,483
Total for 2017: 20,304

 

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